Wealth Clarity Blog

Image courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net

Some seek happiness through wealth and status, some through deeds and actions. What about a spiritual component of happiness? Can we be happy without having some form of faith?

Managing money for a living has led me lately to think a lot about the nature of happiness. I’ve watched documentaries, and read books that attempt to identify, define, and measure happiness.

Money and happiness are not entirely unrelated. While wealth, and specifically money, does not necessarily create happiness, it can be a tool on the path to happiness.

Meaningful work, material success, and abundance can lead to some level of fulfillment.  Perhaps I’m splitting hairs, but fulfillment and happiness do not necessarily mean the same thing to me. Think of fulfillment as a static or passive form of happiness, a state of mind. Think of happiness as an active emotion, one that needs constant feeding. Fulfillment is more easily sustained; happiness is perhaps more quickly achieved.

The Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard believes people first attempt to attain fulfillment by acquiring stuff, all of which ultimately becomes meaningless. Seeking deeper fulfillment, people turn to deeds or causes, perhaps by helping others, or by following their conscience. That too will ultimately prove meaningless, Kierkegaard says, without faith, a fixed belief in something beyond the material world. He is talking about, God.

Do you need faith in your life to have true fulfillment and happiness?

To a point, money can buy happiness, but that point is quickly reached. Once basic needs like food and shelter are met, money cannot make us appreciably happier. That is because the power of money is limited. People who are wealthy don’t necessarily have more time, or better relationships. They might have more toys, but those toys need maintenance – what they own can also own them. Riches can isolate even as they provide.

At Highland, our clients generally want to be good stewards of their wealth. They feel blessed for what they have and are conscientious when it comes to directing their wealth. They want to enable their children rather than spoil them, and are committed to doing some good for their communities and causes.

They prescribe to various faiths. Some are Christian; some are Jewish; some are agnostic.

I happen to believe having a spiritual component in your life is necessary for true happiness. But where does that spirituality fit in?

We have written often about living fully, a philosophy we try to both practice and preach in our work. We help people manage their wealth, and in a larger sense, we try to help them manage their happiness too, happiness that leads eventually to the way you define spirituality.

How do you see faith fitting into a life fully lived?

Common logic suggests the more money you make the happier you will be. Research shows this is true, but only to a point.

Someone who makes a modest amount of money is measurably happier than someone who makes no money. And someone who makes a large amount of money is somewhat happier than someone who makes a small amount. But past a certain threshold – and it is not very high – having more money makes very little difference in raising levels of happiness and very quickly loses its effect.

So what’s the magic number?  In the United States, it’s about $75,000 a year.

Using data gathered from about a half million Americans, Princeton researchers found that higher incomes indeed made for better moods on a daily basis, but once household incomes approached the $75,000 mark, more money did not create more happiness. What does that suggest?

That after some basic needs, like shelter, food and health, are taken care of, your capacity for material happiness is more or less maxed out. It also suggests that focusing on making more and more money, and buying your way to a happier life is a plan likely to fail. Money, it seems, can buy you only temporary happiness, not long-term happiness.

It turns out that what does buy lasting happiness is spending money on others. Research by a psychology professor at the University of British Columbia, and a Harvard business professor determined that money more effectively leads to happiness if you are careful not to overindulge, if you spend on experiences rather than things, and most importantly if you spend on other people.

That all got me to thinking about two very different ways of handling one’s wealth:

1. As an owner
2. As a steward

An owner is internally focused. A steward is externally focused.

An owner thinks, ‘I earned this money, it’s mine, and I deserve this money.’  A steward thinks, ‘This money is a blessing, and possibly I happened to be in the right place at the right time.’

An owner is preoccupied with acquiring more money. A steward is concerned with identifying a purpose for the money, using it to make the world a better place.

An owner holds on to possessions tightly, afraid of losing what he has acquired, spending energy hoarding money. A steward holds to things loosely and does not fear losing them, preferring to invest money for a greater good.

Whether you earn a little or a lot, acting as a steward is a healthier approach. It requires having a higher level of faith, and admitting that you cannot control the outcomes of your decisions. That kind of thinking can lead to a life of real fulfillment, joy, and peace, and help build a meaningful legacy. Those who are on the journey of living fully understand that.

Are you more of an owner or a steward?

An idea I have often touched on is the concept of courage, the driving force behind a life of meaning and purpose, of joy, and life fully lived.

There are many ways to define courage, something I’ll no doubt try to do over time on this blog as I try to flesh out our company’s philosophy and our belief that all decisions, be they financial or otherwise, are best made while striving to live fully.

One of the most powerful takes on courage I’ve heard came from a TED talk given by Brene Brown, a social worker and professor at the University of Houston. Her 20-minute presentation, recorded in the summer of 2010, is well worth watching. Although she never talks explicitly about “living fully,” it struck me that she very well could be.

You can watch the entire talk here:  http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html.

The Cliffs Notes version of the talk goes something like this:

The premise of Brown’s presentation is that the most fundamental ingredient of all our lives is connection, in other words the relationships we have with one another and the quality of those relationships. It is “why we’re here,” she said, and is what we are wired to do.

Our greatest obstacle to healthy connections, she discovered, was shame, or a fear of disconnection. That shame can take many forms, but in general is a fear of not measuring up, a feeling of inadequacy. Driving that shame and fear, she determined, was vulnerability.

A trained therapist, Brown initially viewed vulnerability as a problem to be conquered. In her own personal life, she admitted, she hated vulnerability, which she viewed as a flaw, a mess that could be straightened out with enough understanding and effort.

So she spent six years dissecting shame and vulnerability, interviewing hundreds of people, eventually separating them into two basic groups: those with a strong sense of love and belonging, and those who struggled with it. The difference between the two groups was astoundingly simple. Those who had strong connections in their lives believed themselves worthy of them; those who struggled with connection did not.

So what did all the people who felt worthy of love and belonging all have in common?

 Courage.

 Specifically, they had the courage to be themselves, to be imperfect, to be vulnerable.

That vulnerability gave them compassion, not just for others but for themselves. That combination of authenticity and compassion made them much more able to have healthy connections in their lives.

The inability to embrace and harness vulnerability, Brown asserted, leads to all kinds of destructive behavior mainly when we try to numb that vulnerability. We do it all kinds of ways, by overeating, by taking drugs, by repressing feelings of vulnerability instead of accepting them. The problem with numbing vulnerability is that you cannot selectively numb good feelings and bad ones. If you numb pain, you also numb joy.

Brown points out, by the way, that embracing vulnerability does not mean you view those feelings as good or bad. It just means you believe they are necessary, a normal part of life, and, most importantly, they are what makes you unique and worthwhile.

The relationship between vulnerability and courage is essential. Although they seem to be opposite traits, they are really very much the same. To be vulnerable is to allow others to see you as you really are. To be vulnerable is to love without fear, to take leaps of faith without being sure of the outcomes. Courage can be described the same way.

Each time I listen to her talk, I get something more out of it. As I see it, the core of her message is this:

Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and belonging, of joy, creativity and love. Accept who you are. We might be imperfect and hardwired to struggle, but no less worthy of love. By believing we are good enough, and practicing gratitude on a daily basis we will become better at making those connections that are at the core of being human.

Take the risk to be vulnerable!

When I started Highland 13 years ago, I took a leap into the unknown. I had never run my own company before. I was not sure the clients I had been working with would follow me.  The downside paralyzed me in some ways but I wanted to experience the upside of courage.

I had bet my career on a brand new company, whose success or survival was not guaranteed. It was only by letting go of all the possible outcomes that I could move forward, that I could act, in other words, with courage.

As I looked back and thought about why Highland exists, and why we do what we do, I kept coming back to the same answer: courage. It is at the core of our mission here at Highland, to live fully and help our clients do the same.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to act despite fear. Applied to what we do, courage is the ability to trust your experience and training, to make choices when faced with uncertainty, and having faith in your beliefs.  Sometimes that means turning down something. Sometimes it means saying no, or confronting the truth, asking difficult questions, or making uncomfortable changes.

Without the courage to change, you can stay stuck where you are. If the enemy of living fully is fear, the antidote is courage.

The cost of courage is letting go of the outcome of your decisions. The future is an unknown and mostly beyond your control. Rather than focusing on an unknown outcome, you have to replace it with a faith in something bigger than yourself.

Sure, when I started the company, I thought I was smart and that I could do it, but I wasn’t really thinking about whether the company would succeed or not. Instead, I focused on how the decision was part of a bigger plan for my life.

To act with courage is easier said than done, of course. It takes practice and commitment and, in some cases, the time to heal from what wounds we might have. Growth, strength and healing are critical components to courage.

Healing can mean something big or something small, repairing a painful relationship perhaps, or letting go of a counter-productive habit. The important thing is to identify where you need to heal.

In the end, I know my company can be only as healthy as I am, and can only grow as fast as I do.

Do you want more from life?  If yes, then start by being courageous! 

One of the toughest things to admit when it comes to managing money is that ultimately you have no control. That does not mean you can’t plan, and make smart decisions, but after that all you can really do is trust the decisions you have made.

That fear of losing control over your money can rule you if you let it. You can live in fear of the market dropping, or a fear of losing what you perceive as your safety net. Releasing fear means understanding you truly are more than your money, and that while important, it does not define who you are.

Being able to let go of fear is a crucial step, maybe the first step, to living fully. 

The quest to live fully is the reason Highland exists as discussed in previous posts.  By doing that ourselves we believe we can help our clients do the same. Understanding the obstacles to living fully is part of staying on that path. Successful people often have just as many if not more obstacles.

Beyond fear, sometimes a lack of clarity keeps us stuck. You cannot live your life to its fullest if you do not have a clear picture of what that means. Success does not equate to clarity. I’ve met highly successful people who still wonder what they’re going to do when they “grow up.” Many of us simply don’t spend time thinking about what our true gifts are.

Another barrier to living a full life is the complexity of a highly managed life. A busy, successful person has many layers of obligations in the form of investments, advisors, and professional responsibilities. They might know where they want to go but are too overwhelmed to start moving there.

A lack of follow through also blocks a full life. Without accountability the best intentions remain just that, intentions rather than actions. You can plan for the best but without following up on your plans, they never flower. That’s where good advisors can make a difference.

Our job is to make decisions that better your whole life not just your financial life, and to provide guidance without being emotionally involved with the outcome. If we do that right, if we ask the right questions, clients come to conclusions on their own. Sometimes we know what we want but just need a little bit of help unpacking our desires.

The role we play with clients is special and intimate, and what I value the most about my job. We get the privilege of hearing about the stuff that really matters to them, not just about their bottom lines but their hopes and dreams.

Are you stuck and not on the journey of living life fully? 

“A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history.”   Mahatma Gandhi

The topic of today’s blog post is daunting, one that I’ve been mulling over for months as I’ve worked to craft a mission statement for our company. While some ideas for the blog come to me quickly, this one has taken a long time to form. You could say it has taken me a lifetime.

In this and other posts to follow I will attempt to answer the question of why we do what we do. Ostensibly, I am talking about the work we do at Highland, but in a larger sense I am talking about all the choices we make in our lives.

As I think about why Highland exists, why I chose to start it, and what drives me each day, I keep coming back to the idea: what it means to live fully.

It’s the phrase I used in a recent post, about the loss of my friend and colleague Steve. It applied then and, it occurred to me, should apply to all the events in our lives and the decision we make, even the professional ones.

Obviously the topic is too large for one post, so what I hope to do is to begin unpacking the suitcase of this idea of what it means to live fully.

What I hope to do is lay some kind of foundation to build upon. In future posts, you will recognize some of the concepts I talk about in this one. Living fully is more of a process than a goal, and so is writing about it.

I am convinced one of the most important components of a life fully lived is courage, the trait I was reminded of when Steve passed.

To start Highland, I had to summon the courage to make that choice. The company and all that it has become is the result of that decision.

Before I started the company 13 years ago, I was not living fully. I was stressed out, stuck in a dysfunctional job, feeling the financial pressure of having three children in private school and a new house and mortgage.

I knew I wanted a more balanced life. I wanted to coach my son’s baseball team. I wanted to get to know my wife better.  I could achieve neither without making a change, and that choice took courage. It took the willingness to step into something I didn’t fully understand.

It set me off on a process of self-discovery, healing and personal growth. It deepened my faith and sensitized me to the idea of life as a journey, one that I am still on. That, more or less, is the story of Highland. It is not just the company I run. It has become my canvas.

One of the most important relationships in people’s lives is the one they have with their money. As a wealth manager, I can play a role in that relationship. It can be a constructive one or a destructive one, depending on the choices you make. The paradox of money is that the more of it you have, the more prevalent feelings of fear, worry and perceived control can become. Prosperity sometimes encourages hoarding behavior and false feelings of self-sufficiency. People often say money is freedom. Sadly, money can sometimes lead to less freedom not more.

My hope is to be a lens through which people can view their relationship with money, and to help people make healthy, constructive choices. What does that mean?

It means understanding that money is a means not an end, that it is a tool, and we are not so much its owners as we are its stewards. It means seeing a client as a whole person, not just someone who earns money, but as someone with unique talents and passions, someone with an emotional and spiritual life, someone who is part of a larger family and community.

The more we all keep this in mind, the more likely we will have a healthy relationship with money, and the more likely we will live fully.

In the 13 years I’ve run Highland, I’ve yet to compose a mission statement, partly because there are always more immediate tasks to complete, but also because it has taken me all this time to understand why we do what we do.  I’m exicited about the energy this process has created and I’d love to share more of my story so please send me a note and let’s grab coffee. 

As mentioned in my previous post, I’ve been working on Highland’s mission statement for the past several months.  I can honestly say that we haven’t had a clear mission statement since the founding of the firm – partly because we were focused on building the company and surviving, partly because of busyness, and partly because the process of being a business owner was still shaping my views.  In short, I wasn’t ready.

Recently, while reading Patrick Lencioni’s book The Advantage, I realized it was time for Highland to take this important step.  My sincere desire is for Highland to become a great company, and I realized that not having clarity of mission might be keeping us from progressing as a company the way we could.  Taken even more negatively, it could be keeping us stuck.

Part of this journey was to write the story of Highland; what was going on in my life around the time I started the company.  (I’m not going to share that story now, but I may do so at a later time.)  Suffice it to say, it was a very transformative process for me.  It showed me what some of my motivations were, what I was afraid of, and what I was hoping to become. 

As a second step, I formulated the things I had learned from running the business looking back over the past thirteen years.  From this very different perspective, it was interesting to see how my thinking and priorities had changed, and what my life had become.  It was quite an emotional and spiritual experience that I would encourage you to try. 

As The Advantage states, there are three keys to keep in mind as you contemplate the reason for your company’s existence, and I found them to be extremely helpful in my own journey:

1.  Answering the “why” question is not the end of the clarity process.  Knowing that there will be a more tactical period to discuss practical concepts can allow you to think about your organization from a more idealistic standpoint.

2.  It has to be true.  It has to be based on the real motivations of the people who founded the company – namely, me.  In my case, because we didn’t clarify our purpose early on, the process was more difficult and required a lot of introspection around my motivations and the company history.

3.  The process cannot be confused with either internal or external marketing.  It is important to refrain from trying to come up with a cute tagline or slogan that will sound good to clients, employees, etc.  This step is only about clarity and alignment.  Without formal communication of any sort, the reason you exist should be evident to everyone concerned, because in time it will be part of the company fabric and culture.

In my next post, you will hear the “why” of Highland and the transformative impact this journey has had on my life and how I see it shaping and inspiring what we do going forward.  Stay tuned!

Why are we less generous when our income grows? 

A new study by the Chronicle of Philanthropy  indicates that the middle class gives a materially larger share of their discretionary income to charity than wealthier households.  As a wealth manager, it’s something I’ve noticed over the years as well.  Some of the reasons for this may include: 

• Empathy can be harder when you’re affluent. As we earn more, we generally move into nicer neighborhoods and send our kids to better schools.  As this happens, we are more removed from those that are financially struggling in our daily life.
• Relativism. When we move into that more expensive neighborhood, we are surrounded by people that have more than us and we feel less well off.
• Our tax returns might show larger incomes, but we haven’t emotionally made the switch – we still feel like we aren’t that wealthy.
• There’s much more to lose than when we had less, so we are more cautious about reducing the net worth we worked so hard to build.
• The presence of “affluenza,” defined by the authors of the book bearing this name as “a painful, contagious, socially-transmitted condition of overload, debt, anxiety and waste resulting from the dogged pursuit of more.” 

If any of these apply, I encourage you to take a step back and consider what living more generously might do for you.  We have all experienced the positive emotional impact that comes with giving, but studies are suggesting it might even be good for your physical health.   Another benefit I’ve experienced is giving to others results in more personal freedom.  My mental focus shifts as I think less about myself and more about someone that needs help – and suddenly, that new thing I can’t seem to live without has far less control over me. 

Some steps you can take to live more generously now:

• Spend more time outside your normal circles – perhaps volunteer at a food bank, tutor a foster child, or take a volunteer family vacation to a poor area of the world.
• The next time you catch yourself trying to keep up with the Joneses, go to this calculator to remind yourself how well you are doing.
• Look for opportunities to be more generous in daily life –with your co-workers, family, or friends.  This could be taking over a household chore, driving a friend to the airport, visiting someone in the hospital, or just giving that hurried person at the grocery store your place in line.
• Consider doubling your normal financial giving for one year and see how it goes. 

I don’t profess to have the answers but I can speak with authority in terms of struggling with all the issues mentioned above.  I’m planning to live this year much more generously than last year and I’ll report back on how it went.  What will you do to live life more generously?

I was reminded recently that experiencing the life I want requires courage: to step into the life I want even though the outcome (the future) is unclear and worse yet, out of my control.

I say that because I was on my way to Lake Chelan for a summer vacation last week when I got a call that Steve, a friend and member of my Vistage CEO peer group, had passed away in a tragic bicycle accident.  I was speechless for a few moments; reflecting on how quickly death reminds me of the fragility of life.

Clearly, Steve passed too soon and too young, but he left a legacy of caring and loving influence mostly because he made courageous choices to live a life full of all sorts of adventures with friends and family.  Yes, it was at times very risky, but this is what Steve wanted.  As one person mentioned at his “celebration of life,” Steve experienced 120 years of living in his short 60 years on earth.  Steve knew what he wanted in life and went for it.

Don’t take me wrong, my comments aren’t intended to suggest that you need to live like Steve, but instead, my hope is that you (and I) will muster the courage to step fully into the life you want, and are uniquely designed to live—and to live it.

Sounds too simple?  I believe it’s simple, but based on my experience to date it’s definitely not easy.  Here’s a quick roadmap that I’m using to think about my own life:

1.     Choose.  Life is full of choices, moment to moment, that you and I get to make – choices about what we want to experience and become.  Opportunities are abundant, and this is the reason life is so rich.  The key, I am learning, is to make bold and authentic choices that are best suited to me and not unduly influenced by others or external factors.  I’ve also learned that taking the time for introspection has helped me make better choices about my life.

2.     Act.  Don’t let fear of the unknown keep you stuck.  Many of you have seen the Babe Ruth quotation in my office that says, “don’t let the fear of striking out get in your way.” Action takes courage because there are risks and the outcome is less than certain.  Leap into the life you want because no one else will do it for you.

3.     Let Go.  In reality, we control very few things in our day to day lives – what other people think of us, or how long we have to live on this earth, to name a few.  We only control our choices and actions at this moment.  Get proficient at the things you do have control over, and stop obsessing over and start letting go of the things you don’t.

In my experience, fear is the thing that keeps me stuck worrying about outcomes, and that ultimately leads me to a muted and watered-down life experience.  If I let go of outcomes, I won’t avoid grief or failure, but the totality of my life will be authentically mine.

It’s important to note that courage doesn’t mean recklessness. It also isn’t wishful thinking or passive hope. Courage is an action word that moves us towards an outcome but can’t guarantee the result. As Steve reminded me, each day of life is precious and so the importance of making courageous choices today is even more poignant.

Are you being courageous today to choose and act, or are you stuck?  In a future post, I’ll be discussing the kinds of things that keep many of us stuck.

Tim Tebow, the newly traded-for quarterback of the New York Jets, gave me unexpected inspiration about how to approach my own job and daily living in a recent ESPN interview.  By the end of the interview segment I was saying, “I want to be like Tim”. 

If you haven’t heard of Tim Tebow, you are either not a sports fan, or have been under a rock the past year.   

A polarizing figure, it seems people either love him or hate him.  He has created so much sports buzz because of his unorthodox and physical approach to playing quarterback, the now famous Tebow kneeling sideline prayer, and his overtly public Christian faith. 

In a sports world filled with plenty of overpaid athletes, huge egos, and anti-hero behavior, Tim has been refreshing in his positive attitude, clean language, encouragement, and passion to win.  In short, everyone loves an underdog and Tim has been that underdog done good. 

In the ESPN interview I mentioned earlier, and in many interviews I’ve heard over the past year, it seems everyone is looking for this guy to be a poser; I say that based on how they ask him questions.  They appear to be looking for chinks in the armor and where he might not be what he appears.   

He can’t be that positive or nice, right? 

Anyway, the ESPN interviewer tried every angle to get him to be frustrated about the media, angry about the criticism from sports fans, to comment about drama surfacing from teammates twitter messages, even absurdly asking whether he would be able to handle the Jets coach who is known to have quite a potty mouth.  

Through it all, Tim was an amazing professional; so much so that it caught me saying where did this guy learn how to be like that?  Who taught him those things?  Am I that positive about my job and my life? 

Gleening from the interview and taking some editorial license, here are three ways Tim approaches his life that can be applied to my life (and yours):

1. Tim focuses on looking forward and not back. He didn’t want to talk about what happened last year with the Denver Broncos, his prior team, other than it was a great experience and he was thankful for the blessing.  He instead wanted to talk about this new life chapter with the Jets.  So often I can get sucked into to worrying and talking about yesterday when I need to keep my focus on today and what is in front of me, not behind me.
2. Tebow views his life, and the current circumstances, as an exciting opportunity.  It is clear there are lots of things to worry about including a new team, new coach, new fans, and new system to learn.  It was clear in the interview that he wasn’t looking for something more or different; he was just excited about the opportunity right in front of him.  In my job it can be easy to be wishing the market would be higher, or the business would grow faster, or we had more resources instead of just being grateful for the problems we get to solve, and satisfied with the business I get the privilege of running
3. Tim is working daily to improve himself; the only things he can control such as improving his ability to read defenses, improve his strength and quickness, and throwing accuracy.  My own daily habits and routines whether they be in business, health, or spiritual, can all lead me to being a better and more joyful person.  I want to grow, too, and these daily steps are really the only things I can directly control. 

I hope that if ESPN interviewed me about my life and my business I would handle it with such professionalism and excitement as Tim did that day.  How about you?