Wealth Clarity Blog

Why are we less generous when our income grows? 

A new study by the Chronicle of Philanthropy  indicates that the middle class gives a materially larger share of their discretionary income to charity than wealthier households.  As a wealth manager, it’s something I’ve noticed over the years as well.  Some of the reasons for this may include: 

• Empathy can be harder when you’re affluent. As we earn more, we generally move into nicer neighborhoods and send our kids to better schools.  As this happens, we are more removed from those that are financially struggling in our daily life.
• Relativism. When we move into that more expensive neighborhood, we are surrounded by people that have more than us and we feel less well off.
• Our tax returns might show larger incomes, but we haven’t emotionally made the switch – we still feel like we aren’t that wealthy.
• There’s much more to lose than when we had less, so we are more cautious about reducing the net worth we worked so hard to build.
• The presence of “affluenza,” defined by the authors of the book bearing this name as “a painful, contagious, socially-transmitted condition of overload, debt, anxiety and waste resulting from the dogged pursuit of more.” 

If any of these apply, I encourage you to take a step back and consider what living more generously might do for you.  We have all experienced the positive emotional impact that comes with giving, but studies are suggesting it might even be good for your physical health.   Another benefit I’ve experienced is giving to others results in more personal freedom.  My mental focus shifts as I think less about myself and more about someone that needs help – and suddenly, that new thing I can’t seem to live without has far less control over me. 

Some steps you can take to live more generously now:

• Spend more time outside your normal circles – perhaps volunteer at a food bank, tutor a foster child, or take a volunteer family vacation to a poor area of the world.
• The next time you catch yourself trying to keep up with the Joneses, go to this calculator to remind yourself how well you are doing.
• Look for opportunities to be more generous in daily life –with your co-workers, family, or friends.  This could be taking over a household chore, driving a friend to the airport, visiting someone in the hospital, or just giving that hurried person at the grocery store your place in line.
• Consider doubling your normal financial giving for one year and see how it goes. 

I don’t profess to have the answers but I can speak with authority in terms of struggling with all the issues mentioned above.  I’m planning to live this year much more generously than last year and I’ll report back on how it went.  What will you do to live life more generously?

About a month ago, the Wizard of Westwood, John Wooden died after a storied life of triumph.  He was arguably one of the greatest coaches and leaders of all time, indelibly influencing the game of basketball forever with his focus on basic skills, team greatness, and individual commitment.

After his death, I watched hours of ESPN programming about his life, his philosophy, his relationships, and his legacy.  I was amazed by how many people he influenced during his life, even long after he stopped coaching, and I presume for many years to come.

Over the past decade I have read several books about John and his life.  I have even used some of the elements of his Pyramid of Success approach in my own business team development and vision.  I shared some of that in a previous post on our internal strategic planning.

As a part of my own personal visioning process, I asked myself the question:  At my funeral, what do I want people to say about me?  Obviously, this really unabashedly pokes at the issue of legacy and the true meaning of my life. 

I had never done this before and decided to take a stab at it. So, one afternoon I got out my notebook and pen and started a list. 

It was interesting that it took me a while to get past the small items and performance based things like work success, awards, etc. and get to the essence of who I am and what I want to be remembered for (good father, husband, deep friendships, loyalty, compassion are a few of mine).  I plan to spend more time refining the list and processing what I wrote down over the next few months as I continue on this journey.

Some of the items are quite personal and in a recent conversation with a friend who was asking me about my list, I found myself getting very uncomfortable.  This tells me I also have some work to do on being more authentic with who I am—and who I want to become. 

What do you want your life to be about?  If you don’t know, it might be time to think about it and start moving towards it.  This exercise might come in handy, “My Life Story.”  It’s a five step exercise that helps represent expression of the “choices” you are making about your life.

If you want to know more about my experience going through this process, please feel free to reach out and I would be happy to share more of my story.

I don’t have one, but sure wish I did.  Many times in my life, I’ve wanted a mentor – someone I could talk to about my career, life, key decisions, and all the stuff in life that can use the soothing wisdom that only rich life experience can provide.

Many people have played mentor-like roles in my life: my wife, friends and colleagues, and a few consultants.  Their perspectives have always been helpful, but the dynamics in many of those relationships have been more like sounding boards. I’ve never had a mentor in the true sense. 

Maybe some of the reasons I never had an actual mentor are that I didn’t know where to look or how to find one, also I lacked the wisdom to really appreciate and understand the benefits.  It is clear to me now that I missed out, so I’ve decided to try a different tack.

Three untraditional strategies to finding a perfect mentor:

 First, I am building my network of business people who have deep experience in various industries.  I ask them to evaluate my strategies and ideas and to offer their input on opportunities and roadblocks and what they see in the future.  It’s a funny thing – most are thrilled just to share their experiences and watch as I progress.  As one of the guys said to me today, “It is fun for me to grab you by the scruff of the neck, show you what to do, but you have to go do it.” 

Second, I am embracing the openness and transparency that these types of relationships require.  It takes some practice but the quicker I have gotten “real” with my issues the better the conversations have become.

Third, I am processing the idea of building out an advisory board with a few of these key individuals.  There are other approaches like YPO (Young Presidents’ Organization) and Vistage that can provide important support in similar ways, but the idea of a personal advisory board seems to make sense to me right now.

In time, I believe a few of these relationships could turn into mentorships, and that would be just fine with me.

Have you found a mentor that already existed in your own network?