How to Have Political Conversations and Not Lose Friends

We’ve all experienced emotional, unproductive conversations about politics with family and friends. Too often, heated emotions around politically charged topics can lead us to distance ourselves from people we truly care about.  

How do we successfully navigate political discussions with those who have a different point of view? It’s simpler than we might think and begins with curiosity, a willingness to listen, and respect for the person we’re engaging with. Ben Johnson, Highland Principal, applied ideas from Highland’s Wealth Confidant listening framework and experienced a remarkable reconciliation with a friend after a political disagreement:  

“I recently apologized to an old friend who I ghosted for years following a political argument. He took me back with open arms and apologized as well. We started talking about politics again. Unlike before, when I was focused on getting my own point across, I asked questions and actively listened. Hearing his experiences and background with the issue we discussed was eye-opening and moving. It was one of the best conversations we ever had. Neither of us will likely change how we vote, but we both gained a more nuanced understanding of the issue.”

Here are some guidelines for engaging in productive conversations around any sensitive topic:

Ask Open Ended Questions.

Start asking “what” or “how” questions that invite storytelling. For example, “How does this issue/policy impact you or someone you care about?” Avoid “why” questions that can be perceived as judgmental. This is a great opportunity to learn about your own blind spots.

Listen with Genuine Curiosity and Empathy.

Be curious about your friend’s situation. Empathizing includes seeing the other person, recognizing what they are experiencing, and being present with them without attempting to fix the problem, justify it, or minimize its existence.

Paraphrase to Maximize Understanding.

After listening, restate in your own words what you heard, and ask: “Is that correct?” Avoid making assumptions or focusing on your own agenda.

Recognize Discomfort and Show Appreciation.

Acknowledge the difficulty of sharing differing views and express gratitude for their willingness to engage.

Be Open to the Idea You Might Change Your Mind.

This is an opportunity for you to both learn from each other in a respectful way. Minds may change, and that can be a wonderful thing. It might be your mind that changes! Let that happen naturally.

Let it Be Okay to Disagree.

It’s normal to disagree. Relationships often get stronger when we are truthful with each other about disagreements. Listening doesn’t equate to agreement. The goal is mutual understanding and feeling heard.

Political discussions may not be productive with everyone, and some topics are easier than others. It’s okay to step away if you need to, but try to step away from the conversation, not the relationship. The upcoming election provides an opportunity for conversations that can grow our own understanding and deepen our relationships, if we are willing to listen.